I wish I could know what to do with me and with my state of mind and to find something to believe in. I find myself in Van Gogh's words " I am a failure", but the thing is that he found himself his balance, his "equilibrium" in painting. I don't know ehere to find it... Because I am looking and looking and it seems that I will never find that something that represents me... And it seems that I don't have that ambition... to go through with this, nor the will, nor the power.... It seems that there is an obsession that's haunting me. There's this feu incessant that doesn't let me breathe or stop from thinking. And this is the first time when I really NEED to be strong and I am opening my thoughts and my heart and put it here, on a plate. I looked for God, and tried to find him, to get an answer, to give me a sign but I am disappointed. Again, I can compare myself to Van Gogh, after tryng to be a minister (priest). Life's just unfair!!!!! And my knowledge is useless!!!!
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