Ma bonne etoile

Si cum prapastia se casca asa... Vedea Soarele intr-o parte si Luna in cealalta. Savoarea primaveriicand frumusetea se intredeschidea spre colinele din viata lor scadea cu fiecare rasuflare. Plecarea inspre necunoscut se facea prea repede. Prea repede ca sa mai poata da inapoi. Totul avea proportii pantagruelice. Si decizia sa nu putea primi acum decat Soarele, Luna, Stelele, Prapastia... Cand primise primul ei premiu pentru vioara, primele momente cu fetele in oras, pe malul marii cu iubitul si vedea copilul pe acre ar fi fost fericita sa-l aiba, bunicii mandri, prietenii si prietenele sale in jurul ei... Casa de pe malul Mediteranei... Pana in punctul in care ajunge acolo, pe marginea existentei, unde.........

Hoinarea singuraintr-un labirint de verdeata, inconjurata de aceeasi copaci, mergand cu aceeasi nesigurantainspre aceeasi margine a noii lumi. Era ciudat cum toate sentimentele, emotiile le simtea atat de accentuat, de libere, de parca ar fi fost alte fiinte ce faceau parte din ea... EA? Ea? eA? SAu ceva ce exista sau se perinda printr-un trecut sau viitor al umanitatii? Sau al sufletelor pierdute>? Pierduta si ea intr-un infern al imensitatii, in infernul nesigurantei si al neputintei.... Nu-si putea vedea trupul asa cum il vedea altadata. Acum numai percepea decat o pata. Si ce era o pata ca sa poata descrie materialmente starea fizica, aspectul unei stele stinse?

"Ma bonne etoile..."

waitin' for Godot

And this is how I get to be Vladimir sometimes and Estragon sometimes. Even Pozzo, if I "let my guard down". But I know that sometimes Godot will be there. He is sometimes, some other times I am waiting for him and he fails to come. The reference is a little bit strange but so is my life. Adventures? I always had them from books and even so, not completely. However, Godot can be a symbol. What are we waiting for? WEll, there is always somethng. And it takes time, energy, strength, ability to find IT. And when we do, this is where it had really laid. In our arms. Because everything comes down to us and our power to enlarge our horizon and soar for the ideal, as we human beings, call it ;)
I have great examples who showed that everything is possible. But they all are relevant. What is with this so "motivating" and goal oriented speech? Well, if you ask yourselves, it only comes to bring me and the others light. Light upon thngs and upon my life. It comes to bring examples. Alive ones. And very relevant and smart and intelligent and full of life and passionate. I know I am sometimes but I am fluctuating like the waves of an ocean. sometimes there are currents, sometimes the sea is calm. They? They are the most "vivid" examples. And they will always be. And life may be as you interpret you to be. It may be a dream as Eminescu used to say, it may be a box of chocolate(isn't it that you would watch Forest Gump a thousand times more??? :), it may be a pray as MArin Preda would name it at a certain point, it may be a grapefruit sometimes (and this belongs to me;))and you name it , the comparison to find for (y)our life. I stick to my point and want to congratulate my frinds or my acquaintances for achieving what they achieved (only God knows through what sacrifices, how much pain and work)and wish them to set examples inthe future as they did until now. I wish I could soar like that, dare that much, fly that high. But sometimes, most of the times in fact, I find some impediments in myself (they are only stupid reasons to convince myself I wouldn't get that far). Do you think there's someone who can see better or make the decisions for you? Maybe mom or maybe GEorgi. Or maybe Iulia. I wish I could stop hearing your applauses and see th ebox of chocolate, the grapefruit, the pray , the dream as being a whole......