Azi

Am tot vrut sa scriu in detaliu despre experienta Franta, insa nu am mai reusit. Dupa ce lumea virtuala mi-a furat multele ganduri si impresii am hotarat ca oricum nu o sa mai fie la fel, oricat m-as stradui. Deci, am lasat-o balta. Acum am ajuns la capitolul Iasi, pe care il vad in cu totul o alta lumina decat asta toamna. E foarte frumos si cred ca o sa se faca si mai frumos, ca o Cenusareasa as putea spune, chiar daca nu e chiar termenul potrivit. Iasiul a fost si o sa ramana intotdeauna un oras frumos si plin de istorie si cultura. Insa are nevoie de mici retusuri cosmetice. si cum vad multi "cosmeticieni" pe strazile Iasiului, stiu ca e de bine ;)

Oscar si tanti Roz

Am dat peste o traducere mininata (in romaneste, bineinteles)a cartii scrise de E. Schmitt - Oscar si Tanti Roz ("Oscar et la dame rose"). Si de o fabula extraordinara... Ce ma unge la suflet si mi-a stors si vreo cateva lacrimi. De mult nu am mai scris despre carti, iar aici... n-am scris niciodata. E extraordinar cat de multa intelepciune si filosofie de viata si nadejde se afla in carticica asta. Mica dar plina. De da pe afara, chiar. Ei sunt personajele mele preferate. O sa ma gandesc la ei ceva vreme de acum incolo... pentru ca merita si ca merit. :)

I've been meaning to write about my latest French experience (and Italian) but I've just postponed it as I do about everything.
Note to self: get rid of this annoyign habit!!!

I wanted to write about this experience because I know I cannot trust my memory and beacuse there were so many beautiful and interesting things (without thinking stereotype interesting) that I just want to put my "focused" fingers to exercise. (What a long introduction!... phew!)

Iwona was the one "to blame" for my trip to Nice. And I was the one who suddenly said "Yes!". If I can go why not to choose to go? Thanks Iwona for everything! Thank you for preparing such delicious meals, for wandering with me the streets full of tourists, for arranging some of my trips, for having made the acquaintance of great people!...Thank you for all of that and much more and for being my friend! :) Yes, it's Iwona who invited me to Nice. She studies there and she wanted to have someone who speaks Polish next to her for a while... ;)

She came to pick me up at the train station in Nice when my train was delayed in Italy. One of the misteries of my trip is Why the hell trains in Italy are ALWAYS delayed??? Well, I could think of something... For example on my way to Nice - somewhere between Milan and Nice - the train just stopped then started and went 2 km/h for about one minute and one minute stopped and then again it started and again stopped and it went like that for like 20 times. And I am not exaggerting! In fact this was the greatest mistery... What was the conductor doing?!? Anyway, when I came back from Nice to Milan I had a double "portion":
1. in Nice there was a strike taking place, which sometimes can have side effects, trains do not circulate for example, same as 26th May - the day I was coming back. However, to my surprise, there was a bus waiting for all the passengers of that train that would take us to Ventimiglia, the city bording France and ITaly.
2. in Genoa the train stopped and waited more than it was supposed to(I suppose that the conductor had to finish his lunch or something...) and it carried on, after a while, with a small delay which after about 2-3 hours became more than an hour... hehe.. isn't that funny?

Eventhough, I had my share of heart beating faster and anxiety that day I made it to my plane in Bergamo a little bit earlier. What a relief!

In love with it...

Free Design - Love You - Watch more funny videos here

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head -Free Design- - Awesome video clips here

Tormenting thoughts.....October 18, 2006

I wish I could know what to do with me and with my state of mind and to find something to believe in. I find myself in Van Gogh's words " I am a failure", but the thing is that he found himself his balance, his "equilibrium" in painting. I don't know ehere to find it... Because I am looking and looking and it seems that I will never find that something that represents me... And it seems that I don't have that ambition... to go through with this, nor the will, nor the power.... It seems that there is an obsession that's haunting me. There's this feu incessant that doesn't let me breathe or stop from thinking. And this is the first time when I really NEED to be strong and I am opening my thoughts and my heart and put it here, on a plate. I looked for God, and tried to find him, to get an answer, to give me a sign but I am disappointed. Again, I can compare myself to Van Gogh, after tryng to be a minister (priest). Life's just unfair!!!!! And my knowledge is useless!!!!

Entry for December 30, 2006

feeling that my thoughts are going somewhere.... That there is a lot to say...if I find the perfect moment. My life in this moment is like that of a mole... Who knows what's inside, there, in her hiding? Well, it feels fucking terrible to be away from home, to have nothing to do, no job, no money, no friends, no Romanian being spoken around you, no table ready for dinner, no New Year specialties, no mum taking care of the baby, no time to think that Romania sucks (because it would be wonderful to be there now:( ) And no party that sucks (you think).... You just have Poland and a wonderful mantle of snow, Polish everywhere around, books in English, places not yet discovered, people not yet discovered, an AIESEC which cries for help and.... And think about it! No more empty thoughts or useless dreams! Now it't time for YOU! To make a change. To make things happen. I wish I had my friends here, with me... I wish I had Georgiana here with me, or Iulia or Irina or my mom and my family and stare at a warm sun and sing because I feel like doing that. And I wish I could travel inceassantly, to be a traveller "...to be one traveller, long I stood..." as Robert Frost used to say, and find a place in this world that doesn't confuse me or annoy me or irritates me..... A calm, warm, friendly, cosy place. But beware! What you wish for may become real!

Polska (POV 2005)

Sa incep cu inceputul. Pai am plecat cu trenul din Bucuresti nu la 6:06 cand trebuia sa plece, ci la 7:30 si Adela a fost martora acestei asteptari. Buuuun! Deci am plecat cu o ora juma intarziere. Am ajuns in vama, la Curtici, totul a fost bine. La fel si la unguri, si la slovaci si si la polonezi.Pana la polonezi, din Ungaria, s-a urcat o tipa din Gdansk, evidentemente poloneza si am inceput sa conversam. Fusese in Romania pt ca al. ei boyfriend e roman si mi-a dat niste info despre cum sa ajung din Polonia in Romania si invers. Am mai vorbit despre sit ec, pol. Soc, din Romania si Polonia si am ajuns la concluzia ca tara asta de langa Germania are oameni cu mentalitati diferite de ale noastre, oameni mai civilizati si de-asta se descurca mai bine. E ok. pana acum. Mai tarziu m-a ajutat sa pronunt cuvintele pe care le invatam di ghidul de conversatie, evident, in poloneza. Si m-a mai ajutat si cand a trebuit sa schiimb trenul in Cracovia, a intrebat la. Info desk cand am tren, m-a ajutat sa schimb niste euro in zloti si sa cumpar o harta turistica a Poloniei. Trenul nostru a avut intarziere 3 ore deci nu am mai prins legatura stabilita. M-am dus pe peron si am asteptat aproximativ o ora un tren care sa ma duca la Bielsko-Biala(care se citeste Bielsko- Biaua, ca ala nu e un „l” e un „l” cu accent). Punct. Si ea a mers la trenul ei nu inainte de a face schimb de numere de telefon si adrese de mail. Punct din nou. In tren, un batran mi-a cerut pixul in poloneza si evident ca nu am stiut ce vrea. Mi-a aratat, i-am dat pixul, a scris ceva si mi-a zis „Thank you, I love you”. Am zambit si am continuat sa admir cat de curata e tara asta, cat de frumoase sunt casele (si f. ingrijite) si cat de frumoase sunt fructele pe care le poarta numerosii copaci. Uitai sa va zic, asta e o regiune de munte, deci e cu atat mai frumos cu cat am hotarat ca o sa traiesc la munte. Gata cu comentariile. Sau nu. J OOOO, cum as putea sa uit? Trenul cu caream venit era un fel de personal, dar un personal f.f.f.f. curat si ingrijit si care avea niste toalete ce isi meritau cu prisosinta denumirea. Mare mi-a fost uimirea.

End of part I
31.08.2005

Augustana Muses

Entry for October 12, 2007

How many times have aI tried lately to set my priorities and wonder where I want to get to? How many times did I try to sum up and extract? How many times have I tried to run towards truth? How many times have I asked myself where I am ? I am wandering in my own life and cannot find the direction. Cannot find the direction because I don't help myself. I haven't analyzed nor thought thoroughly about my life and wat I want to do with it. I haven't thought about towards where I want to head to. I've even lost most of my skills - like that of expressing myself. Cannot find a way... a way towards myself. I am not the same person. What could have changed me so much? How could have the real me disappear so quickly? And where? Could anybody tell me where I could find myself? The old me? No, don't, don't . I won't bear such a shame. I have an empty trunk? CAnnot stand it! Is it because of this world? Have they turned me into an empty trunk? But why do I blame the world? This is only MY fault... There is nothing in it.. I mean...it's all my fault.. Everything is all my fault. Hell. Yes, this is it! My punishment! To stand inf front of the people I know and to have them tell me where I went wrong and make me reproaches... Go, I would hate that. That would humiliate me and make me humble and fill me in. Fill me with my own sins. And when they're done judging me I would cry my sufference to the world. And then I would be what I have always thought I would: the eternal lunatic. The lunatic with his sins. With his blames and guilts. That must be a hell of a burden!!!

Am I preparing for somehting here? I wouldn't want to. I've always had what I wished for! Please, not this time. Here is my testimony: I know what I wanted THEN, but I know what I want now. And I want my wich to become null. How to do , help people when I only hurt them most of the times? Am I some kind of maladroit human species? Seems that I am. Just want to let you know that I am very clumsy when it comes to people and communicating. Somehow, this hasn't changed.


What have I done????????????

Polska - mini article (my point of view some 2-3 years ago)

“I think Poland chose me and not the other way
around. And when I say this I realize how important it
is to be open and flexible when it comes to choosing
the country for your traineeship and how many things
you can get out of this experience.
My traineeship helped me concentrate on the needs of
the students and prioritize my own needs both as a
teacher and as a person. Professionally, I am
convinced that I matured very much, taking into
account only the fact that I am speaking only in
English and that my knowledge have enlarged once I
started learning Polish. Working with people is very
difficult and the teaching experience has served me a
lot to understanding and getting to know people better
and find the proper ways in dealing with them and
their needs. I’ve learnt how to respond to them. I
have to mention that I met some very nice teachers,
colleagues of mine that helped me a lot, especially in
the integration stage.
Just like my colleagues, the teachers, I found very
nice people always willing to help me and guide me,
that have later become my friends. Because of them my
stay in Poland was and still is very successful, from
the personal point of view.
As it comes to talking about Poland I could see that
it is not very different from Romania but I couldn’t
have learnt this without going on this traineeship.
Because of the fact that I spent so much time in here
and due to the fact that I have a lot of friends I can
say that it has become my second nation.
Moreover, the places that I visited reminded me a lot
of Romania, the mountainous landscapes, the medieval
cities, the rivers, the buildings seem to share a
little bit of the same culture and history. Obviously,
they have their uniqeness and a specific Polish
“scent.”
However, in what the AIESEC experience is concerned,
I took part in some conferences and I am trying to get
involved in this small branch of @ Katowice as much as
I can. Eventhough there are not as flourishing as LC
Sibiu activities’ are, I am sure the road will take us
there where the sun shines for us, for me and all the
members of the future LC Bielsko-Biala.
In conclusion I can only say that such an experience
can show you a lot of things from different
perspectives, things that can help you grow and help
others grow too. I feel that this traineeship brought
me more than I can write about. It is more than
friends, new culture, new civilization, personal and
professional development, confidence, optimism,
knowledge or faith. How could I describe it better
than “larger than life?”

Monday, 24 October 2005, Daniela, together with Agnieszka Jagiello...

Monday, 24 October 2005, Daniela, together with Agnieszka Jagiello aka Malutka and the new @ recruited members proceed to Katowice. Katowice is one of the biggest cities in Poland, an industrial city and - as the @ members of that LC told me (sorry, to Daniela) - it is the third most important LC in Poland. And as I said, we proceed to Katowice. Adventure, Polish words, English, laughter, adventure, Polish roads, (and I, who thought they didn't have the same bumpy kind... ) radio songs, singing and even dancing (imagine that in a small Opel Astra), "threats" of crush tests, we arrive in [my nose communicates to my brain that this is the (bad)smell of industrialism and...Katowice!!!] Sorry, it was Daniela speaking... And, yes, here it is!!! Budynek numer siedem or as I would say in English, building number seven. This is the building that hosts a beautiful @ office. The office of @ Katowice!!! Daniela's eyes caught a lot of activities people in those rooms were enterprising. Like people trying to find materials for preparing the LCC (VisBa, hotel Relax, 4-6 November 2005), updating data basis, making calls to companies and (why not?) chatting on the Polish version of the well known Yahoo Messanger, Gadu-Gadu... :) And just like @ers with imagination, they found a solution of displaying 4 @wall clocks.
1st @ clock => local time of Poland
2nd @ clock => local time of Japan
3rd @ clock => local time of Russia
4th @ clock => local time of U.S.A.
You could feel the interculturality...:)) And, it was here that I felt again how small (I like to talk for Daniela, przepraszam=sorry)this world is sometimes!!! There was (shame on you, Daniela)a girl whose name I don't remember... :( Anyway, she was at our last year's NPS, in Olanesti, my first conference. She is in love with Romania and she wants to have a traineeship there and she wants to learn Romanian... The guys were ok after their interviews. The guys from Bielsko-Biala. Because this was the reason why we went there in the first place. Katowice is in charge of Bielsko-Biala because @ in BB has only one active member and 2 trainees. And if they want @ in BB thay have to get knowledge from the people in Katowice!!! So, it felt great to be surrounded by @ people, busy and having a common goal... It felt so real and Daniela definitely got the energy and the will to do things, to do them better, to want more, because she really likes what she is doing here. We will see how motivated BB people are and who I could help in my "meandering experience..." And apparently one of my projects will develop and I will only speak about it when it grows, but until then I have to do the "mamaliga" 'cos I promised to do that for the LCC, otherwise Polish people coming to this conference will decrease ;) Buzi!!!
P.S. I .am really proud to be learning one of the most difficult languages in the world. Presenting next time. Dziekuje! (=thanks) Czesc, oameni buni!
P. P. S. I wasn't so lazy as a student ... definitely...not THAT lazy!!! (You know the meaning of ...pain in the ass? ;))
Daniela doesn't have an @ signature but she knows how to use her hands and the keyboard =>DANIELA

1 ianuarie?

Am citit, da. Si raspunsul e ca 1 ianuarie e inceputul tuturor inceputurilor pentru oamenii normali. Fiecare are nevoie sa stie ca de acum inainte lucrurile pot lua o alta itorsatura, se pot schimba in mai bine si asta ii face sa vrea sa isi doreasca anumite lucruri, sa promita sa faca anumite lucruri si de acolo depinde de ei cum vor decurge lucrurile (intr-o anumita masura). Noi, oamenii suntem fiinte si cu slabiciuni, printre altele. Asta e momentul in care ne simtim mai puternici pentru ca nu stim ce ne asteapta dar incercam sa pacalim un pic destinul, ne facem reguli si devenim dintr-o data superstitiosi.

Concluzia: Avem nevoie de un astfel de inceput si implicit de un bun sfarsit.

1 ianuarie? Asta e o intrebare buna.

Explicatie:

"Anul Nou este prima zi dintr-un an calendaristic [1]
Stabilirea religioasă a datei de 1 ianuarie ca început de an a avut loc pentru prima dată în 1691 prin papa Inocenţiu al XII-lea. Înainte Crăciunul avea rolul începutului de an nou. "

ME versus the others

I was just wondering how it is and where we cross the line when it comes to the others. BEcause I should learn more about that.

We definitely feel happy for ourselves when anything positive happens to us. We work for ourselves, read for ourselves, have fun for ourselves, cook for ourselves, live for ourselves. However, there comes a moment when there's someone else involved. And then, we don't live only for ourselves, we don't just cook for ourselves, we don't buy and work for ourselves. Some of the things we used to do only for ourselves are not only for ourselves anymore. Whether it's a child, a boy/girlfriend, a spouse, one of our kin... My question is: do we really think of that/those person(s)altruistically or is it just because we believe in that law of the universe that the more you give the more you get back? Is there any selfish need in our helping our fellow human beings? Any selfish need in that? Or is there the selfish bit and the altruistic bit?

I cannot seem to be able to find the answer for that. Because everytime I give something, I do something for someone else it feels different. It seems that we cannot be completely and totally altruistic. It is not in our nature. If I come to think of it, back at our beginnings as hunters, there is no altruism in those human beings, in our ancestors. So, I suppose that we "grew" that feature, let's say... But it was never pat of us. So, we keep hunting and trying to make the best of OUR lives.

Just a ...

Why there is nothing clear? I don't know what to expect, I can't talk to anybody about it as if I had done something wrong. This is really great, at least from my point of view. It may mean a lot of work and I mean A LOT but this is a huge chance. The chance I was looking for.

I am sorry to disappoint you, Mister, with this post and not only but to me this is something different than laughing at myself and at the world. I cannot do that. Or let's better put it like that: "I cannot do that all the time, most of the time". I wish I could take distance from almost everything but I can't. If they are out of my life then yes, otherwise....

Pragmatism

Prabusirea in randul martienilor nu ti-ar face viata mai usoara. Dorind o sudare si o unire a identitatilor contrastante nu-ti va servi la imersiunea visata. Cele 11 secunde nu vor fi niciodata mai scurte si lipsite de amestecare. Pentru a o crea e de ajuns sa o vrei. Sa vrei sa-ti imaginezi cum malurile ajung la tine, cum pesterile se deschid si-ti lumineaza calea, cum soarele iti zambeste si te lasa sa admiri stralucirea, cum norii se apropie de pamant si te cauta si te admira... nu e eliberarea de negativ. E numai farmecul imaginarului. E o clipa trecuta din viata precedenta transformata de tiparnita cenusie intr- o aventura de dragoste cu elementele naturii. Aclamati acea parte. Vedeti-o in intregime! Luati tot ce vi se ofera! Clipa suspendata e imaginatia recurenta. Nevoia vine din dorinta de a scapa de o torida si morbida realitate . O realitate neagra si sumbra care cheama prin nevoie. O realitate ce alearga odata cu timpul si se opreste atunci cand lira incepe sa glasuiasca, cand livezile infloresc, cand padurile primesc vietuitoarele si le indeamna la viata idilica, cand vantul adie usor, cand raurile soptesc povesti de dragoste, idile si legende, cand soarele straluceste fara a dogori si cand ploaia cade ca o simfonie peste calmul adevaratului eden. CAnd marea ingana cerul si pasarile si cand apele ei spala tarmul insetat, cand dorintele devin sentimente si ura iubire, oamenii Terrei joaca in hore si imnurile sunt intonate toate intr-o voce, cand pamantul canta, cerul canta, apele canta... CAnd vremea va veni viorelele vor mangaia fruntile soldatilor morti, panselutele se vor aseza in locul copiilor adormiti.

Viata lor e atat de scurta! Atat de lipsita de timp si de irealitate. Zburam atat de aproape si totusi atat de departe unii de altii si abia ne auzim strigatele. Ne otravim de cele mai multe ori si apoi incercam sa ne salvam cu lacrimi in ochi. Lupta perpetua ce duce la eliminare va servi intotdeauna cuiva, insa niciodata cui trebuie... Intotdeauna paradoxul e preferabil si ironia invinge. Necrutatoare! Ireala! Magnifica! SAngeroasa! terifica! Inaltatoare!

Story

how could this happen? We're all connected. very funny!!!! don't tell her! HI! /This is beyond my expectations... The universe will give us signs. I am not special. I am scared. the right path... Why insn't this working? Something is wrong. It is not time for you to go. It is not time for you to go. Does anyone have any idea who this is? This will be over in moments. knock! knock! Everything's right now. Come back to us now, come back to us! WE cannot stand here make belief. I did? Oh... Wait, no! You must try! Try! I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you! I think she misght be... an angel... I love you all so much!!!!!!.... Thank you for all you have done. Keep looking in his eyes! Thank you for saving my life! Silence.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Just believe

I am so excited! I don't know if to cheer, applaud, jump high to manifest my joy or just keep quiet and wait until it becomes official. I will be taking a new road, for now just a path, however I cannot stop feeling happy and content about it. I am sure now that teh answer is believing. I do believe.

Iasi

Ce pot să spun? Că am ajuns să văd şi Parcul Copou, adică Iaşi-ul :) Iasi e un simbol pentru romani si mai ales pentru moldoveni (ai nostri – de fapt ). Pentru mine cred ca nu a fost niciodata un loc insemnat. Si ce daca acolo au avut loc o multime de evenimente istorice (importante sau foarte importante in istoria poporului roman)? Si ce daca aici s-au nascut o multime de personalitati? Doar s-au nascut personalitati in toata tara. Insa niciodata nu am fost atat de aproape de istorie ca sa simt ca intr-adevar asta e unul din locurile importante din tara noastra. Ce ciudat suna! :) Insa, intr-adevar am vazut Copoul (care nu m-a impresionat in nici un fel prin maertia sa)si cred ca am inteles intr-o mica masura ca e un loc ca oricare altul, care insa a oferit o atmosfera de necomparat mai marilor nostri poeti, istorici, muzicieni, pictori si lumii de rand.

Vremea n-a tinut cu mine asa ca a adaugat la cenusiul orasului. A adurât chiar parcului un cenusiu de toamna. SI poate ca daca as fi fost singura ar fi fost mai romantic, sau melancolic parcul - revenind la istorie, la marii romani ce s-au perindat pe aici, la singuratate, la vremea mohorata si la celebrele poeme si poezii.

Nu stiu de ce vin de fiecare data intr-un anume loc cu astepteri. As vrea sa ma dezbrac de « haina » asta. Sa vad locul respectiv intr-o singura lumina, doar cand ajung sa il cunosc. Ca exista intotdeauna nuante e foarte normal, ajungi sa cunosti partile bune si mai putin bune, poate chiar in profunzime. I hate the fact that I have expectations and I didn’t even have the time to see it entirely so that I can round my opinions…. Arghhh!!!!

Whenever

The best solution.... writing. Whenever I feel down. whenever something doesn't work out. Whenever I've been left down. Whenever I have nothing to say. whenever I FEEL too much. Whenever I am alone. Whenever I feel alone. Whenever I am desperate and depressed. Whenever I have nothing to do. Whenever I feel like crying. Whenever I loose my self-confidence. Whenever I feel home-sick. Whenever I don't have money.Whenever I need talking to God. Whenever I'm sober. Whenever I have something to say. Whenever I want myself black on white. Whenever I miss myself. Whenever I have suicidal thoughts. WheneverI screw up. Whenever I feeel ugly and useless. Whenever I want to find myself. Whenever I miss Kuba. Whenever I'm upset with the world.Whenever is 19:44. Whenever Irving Stone or Isaac Bashevis Singer feed my thoughts.Whenever life is too much for me. Whenever................................................................